ATATTATAAA!!

Been  awhile since my last post. hahaha. been months i think. i didn't post much because i'm just so lazy.. i don't think people really ready blogs anymore.. they're all into tumblrs now.. i admit, girls havin' tumblrs are really cute.. i guess that's why i thought shouldn't have tumblrs.. because it's weird.. i just think as it is..       

Well anyways, a LOT have been goin' on lately, there were happiness mix with sadness and everything.. disappointment.  My high hopes keeps getting low which bums me out.. now I'm all alone in my room.. my roommate are all back home having their holidays.. enjoying and shits man.. sometimes i always think.. why do i have to be so different? why  do i have to be the one who has to suffer the guilt as if i stole someone Else's happiness.. i know i never done anythin' wrong to.. maybe that's just it.. maybe it's just the way it is.. maybe, in life, there's always a mistake they make, and i.. or maybe someone else, will be the cure to their pain.. stitching back their broken hearts.. maybe i or they will be the one to keep their hopes up.. to push them to pursue their happiness. i admit, i am not the best in these love love or friendship situation but i try.. i love their smiles no matter what. I'd love to be the guy that people say to,   "hey! it's you!" ................ haha.. ok. so.. 

I thought, 

         

" I tell everyone I want to be single, and that I love it. But in all sincerity, I just want to find love. I want to find it, and keep it, and be happy."

But these are just thoughts.. my heart says, i don't wanna commit in a relationship anymore.. but my brains says i should..

i know it's the other way around or terbalik.. but it's me.. I'm always different. the way my heart feels.. the way my brain thinks.

I'm always saying no, you shouldn't.. or just wait for the right time.

i never take the action.. i always wait for the trigger for my happiness.. it happens always but there's a certain happiness i want to pursue.. yes, it is what you think..

i have been alone for 2 years. i have been waiting.. kept waiting for the whole two years after a severe deafening break up.. pretending i'm okay when i am not okay..

Salute to my worst blog post. :D

i promise i'll post a happier one..