You Know The Words, So Sing Along For Me.

This too shall be out from my random thoughts

2011-06-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

So hey,

i've failed to update my blog again but now, i am! yay! i've been trying to update it for the last whole week.. it's so annoying when you're renting a place and you don't own the wifi router and you can only hope for the landlord to do something about it.. especially it's the holidays where.. i am alone and it seems like the landlord doesnt care if i rot in this room due to boredom. ANYWAYS..

so, what's been up lately? same old.. i've stressed for so long.. not to mention i have been having these stresses ever since i was little and to be exact, ever since 2001. As i have said, i am not the richest person in the world so, studying a little far from Brunei is already a struggle for me.. i tried looking for a job once but i was not allowed because it was too soon for me to get a job in the first semester of college. so i waited for another semester, my timetable's too tight so i couldnt get a job because if i will, i am confident i will fail my papers.. i'm not a very bright student but i try. i do, people dont believe me, i do try.

let's change subjects, i don't wanna finish the latter story.

So hey,

My memories of my first few months in Kuching in 2008 was horrible.. i was antisocial.. but i've manage to get a girlfriend.. which i never put any effort to get her. She liked me so she went all ... *manja2 on me so all i could do is to think.. "if i reject her, it'll make me a bad person.. ergh.. i'll just give it a try then.."

So i dated her for a whole three month.. i gave all my attention to her. i gave advices for her own good.. during the process she lied to me.. she told me she was single so i thought our relationship was legit.. but then, one time, she went out and she left her phone to me trusting that no one's gonna text her..

but she was wrong... i received her text and that's where i found out i was the third wheel (org ketiga) in the relationship.. i was pissed.. but pretended i didn't know anything.. i deleted the message. i was thinking positive because that time she might be in the process of breaking up with him. but then it took long enough, she was still seeing the guy.. and at the same time, her family hate me because i was a Malay and even accused me of being a bad influence to her because i lead her to fail her exams.. For ALL this time i asked her to study hard for her exams.. this is what i get.. even when i try to study for my own exams, she would be angry because i was not paying my attention to her.. sheessshh talk about selfish. she was the most selfish ex-girlfriend i've ever had.. i couldn't take it anymore so at the moment she transferred to another college, i dumped her straightaway.

if you don't understand what ever i'm saying above, well, i'm not gonna explain.. like i said, they're my random thoughts.

I've been hurt.

too much.

She's just only one of them.

there were more.

Some people are just lucky...

they're relationships may not be perfect but they're still better than my experience of being in a relationship.

Yours survived.

Mine did not.

Be grateful and don't throw it all away because it's not marriage yet.

When you're married, that'll be a different story.

i did this in college.

2011-05-24T19:50:00.000-07:00

WAITING SUCKS!

Welcoming myself.

2011-05-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

Hi ALL!

It's been forever since i last blogged. I'm actually blogging because i was stalking Eva and Shichi's blog.. it seemed fun and reminds me of myself. I thought blogging was super fun because you get to write some shits that people actually get to read them.. well, depends on who they are.. Sometimes it's stupid that people have blogs and then set it to private.. If you're that secretive, get a diary.. don't waste time and space in the Internet. hahaha. sorry..

i have my own opinion about people having accounts in social networks and sometimes i HATE them.

I don't treat my blog as my diary.. it's not even a captain's journal.. i type it in because sometimes i don't mind telling the world what happens to my life nowadays. My old posts were actually very... "emo" because.. well just like anyone else in the world, we have our own version of midlife crisis.. Some disagree if my situation is a mid-life crisis.. but hey, different people, different opinions.. i don't mind.. but i really don't like them comparing they're little problems with mine.. i know mine is bigger.. my life isn't perfect but i try my best to hide my sad expressions. One time i couldn't stand the feeling.. i almost bust into tears.

Yes girls, Men can cry too.

Anyways, recently, I've been going on activities.. we went cycling at the beach, went for a movie.. i went to help out at the Lomobooth, yeah, lomography exhibition, we want the world to know that film photography still exists.. it has much more feel to creativeness when you hold a film camera. :) anyways, I'm not gonna babble about lomography now.. maybe in the future.

So, i hope post more of my thoughts in the future. :) i hope enjoy reading about my humble life.

Assalamua'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

This isn't a suicidal blog

2010-09-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

sorry i havent been updating.

so, hey.. it's past raya already.. i thought raya was goin to be fine and everything..

but all of that was just wishful thinking.. a lot happened during raya. no one knows how i felt that time.

all the guilt. sadness.. emotions.. it hurts badly..

i even thought about suicide.. yeah. but no. i'm not that pathetic. i must be optimistic..

but no matter how.. i can't help from being this close to breaking down.

i know i have someone to talk to. i know i have someone to share my doubts, my guilts.. my problems..

but i just cant sometimes.. i know i am not the only has the worse problems.. but still.. i have problems. i wanna talk about it. i wanna let it off my shoulders for a bit too.. but i cant. i just dont want too sometimes.. i wanna see smiles. i wanna see laughter.. not their pity face saying "we'll be here for you wan.. no matter what.."

i secretly want that... but i always wanna be the one who says

"it's better if it was me, not you"

what i meant by this was.. let me be sad.. instead of you.

sometimes, i do need a hero too.

Sometimes i think of myself as a failure to my dad. my mom. both of them love me. i know that. but i know i've disappointed them sometimes.. i cant bare the fact that i will fail them again.. this hurts. i tried my best to be their best.. they trust me and my sister. my sister has a bright future i know that coz she;s way smarter than myself in high school.. my parents gave so much.. i.. wanna be able to give them back. their happiness.

i don't have what you have, that doesn't bother me..

But my parents want me to have what you have..

that makes me sad.

Please Allah.. help me.

i can't stand crying inside.

Kids, they have problems like..

why can't they get that iphone or a blackberry.

why can't they be pretty like them.

why can't they have big bulky cameras.

why can't they have all the little things that doesn't matter.

they have better lives than mine.

they just don't know how mine goes.

Trust me, i am a very understanding guy.

i think more than twice than making a decision.. like in terms of spending.

even relationships.

all that.. it;s gonna distract me from a better future.

i don't know what to do..

:'( friends can never be reliable sometimes.

2010-08-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

YA ALLAH (SWT)

All praises are for you Allah, how I hope that you are there.

For sinful though I know I am, your displeasure I cannot bear.

Never, till this moment, did I realize how much I've strayed.

Never, till now, was I more conscious of all those times when I should have prayed.

For sins are like heavy baggage, that one carries through Life, the airport.

Why didn't I realize sooner, that Earth is but a place of sport?

Ya Allah! Forgive me. Save me from the fire of Hell.

Forgive me as you did my parents, from Jan'ah though they fell.

Ya Allah! Protect me. From myself for my soul is weak.

Let me not falter ever, for Jan'ah is the abode I seek.

Ya, Allah! Please help me. For I don't understand and thus, I fear.

What happened to all those moments when I never doubted that you were near?

My actions once were guided, by my faith which, once, was strong.

Ya Allah! Please guide me. What happened, what went wrong?

Each footstep that I used to take, I took with you ever near my side.

The Quran was my faithful companion, Rasoolallah my beloved guide.

How I yearn for those bygone days Allah, for I know that the day comes near.

When we'll each receive our just rewards, and Truth will stand sparkling clear.

Life is like a spider's web Allah. We get caught in its trick snare

So thoroughly are we disillusioned, time for salat we cannot spare.

I sit here and I wonder, Ya Allah! Why did I fall so low?

What happened to my faith Allah? Where did my Iman go?

In this earthly life of ours, so often does sin seem right.

Falsehood seems to be the truth, as if days are confused with night.

Man is an imperfect creature. And thus, Man shall always wrong.

For the road to Jan'ah is rocky, and the journey seems awfully long.

Ya Allah! Our creator, we are all just pieces of clay.

Please help us with our steps in life, and let us not lose our way.

All praises are for you Allah, I know that you are near.

I know that you have read my heart, and my words I know you hear.

Day 13 - A picture of your friends

2010-07-30T00:42:00.000-07:00

I DON'T CARE IT'S MY BLOG! i'll post as much as i want to. hmmph!

Day 12 - A picture of your favorite food

2010-07-30T00:26:00.000-07:00

Admit it... you like eating this too. heheheh

Honesty.

2010-07-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

to be honest.. i'm kinda lonely.. i miss the friends i've had before.. i know that they have their own paths to walk on to.. but then, there's nothin' wrong for me to feel lonely.. i need someone to talk too.. i know can't talk to them everyday.. but then.. i need to talk to someone from now and then.. i know it's their holidays.. but i just can't stop myself from feeling lonely.. if i had a car.. if someone wanted to look me up.. no matter how far.. i'd drive to their house or where-ever they are.. i have a phone.. they could call me anytime i want....

i feel really lonely.. this silence is deafening.. it's crushing me..

:( i'm sorry if i'm not the best person to look up too.

I'm sorry i'm not your favourite person..

Day 11 - A picture of your favorite drink

2010-07-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

I don't have a favourite drink.. but i'll post one of favorable drinks that i usually order in a Cafe. :D

uhmm.. Corn.. milk? peng? apakan.. hehe

Day 10 - A picture of what you like to do

2010-07-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

The 10th day Photo. This is what i like to do at the moment. taking my Lomo cams out and take random shots. :D i'm not sure if it's art or what. it's fun! it's mysterious. :D

Btw, the only the Yellow one is mine.

Day 08 - A picture of yourself

2010-07-25T05:05:00.000-07:00

here's a picture of myself. i guess. ergh. vain.

it's a boring picture i know. This was taken in Metropolitan/Inti Subang during our INTIMA conference earlier this year. missing those moments man... :D

Day 07 - A picture that makes you cry

2010-07-23T22:03:00.001-07:00

I don't have a picture that literally can make me cry so.. no pictures for this slot. :D plus i'm a guy, i have to be ummph! ummph! haha. kuat? i don't know.. i just don't.

Day 06 - A picture that inspires you

2010-07-23T22:01:00.000-07:00

Julia Nunes. She inspired me to learn how to play a Ukulele. (yu-ke-lay-li)

but right now my ukulele isn't with me because Aween borrowed it. :D

Day 05 - A picture of your morning

2010-07-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry. i didn't take any pictures of my morning to day, hahahaha.

Day 04 - A picture of where you went today

2010-07-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

i was in my room. this is a picture at night from my window and the picture below is where i'll be heading next. :) oh,, that's a blanket my mom made me. :)

i didnt go anywhere today. :D i only had classes in college and went back to my room.. i know i know.. i should've taken a picture of my class. but hey.. i forgot. :D

3rd day photo Challenge

2010-07-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

this is what i did..

I can never play a good guitar.. i've been playing a lot but no improvement in skills.. the thing is, i havent played in such a long time.. i'm back to a beginner level. kesian kn?

well ive been working out on this song by k'naan.

In The Beginning.

2nd Photo - Take a picture of what you wore today. :D

2010-07-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

I wore Blue and a short Camo pants. haha. Spent the whole day at the office just to finish my stupid project. well. thing's got well.. god.. before that.. all computer i wanted to use went haywire.. but it's all fixed now.. so.. this is my photo for today. :)

2nd Day - Take a picture of what you wore today :)

1st Photo for the 30 days photos challenge.

2010-07-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

Take picture of yourself :)

the 30 day challenge. :)

2010-07-17T23:06:00.001-07:00

Day 01 - A picture of yourself
Day 02 - A picture of what you wore today
Day 03 - A picture of what you did today
Day 04 - A picture of where you went today
Day 05 - A picture of your morning
Day 06 - A picture that inspires you
Day 07 - A picture that makes you cry
Day 08 - A picture of yourself
Day 09 - A picture of what you had for lunch
Day 10 - A picture of what you like to do
Day 11 - A picture of your favorite drink
Day 12 - A picture of your favorite food
Day 13 - A picture of your friends
Day 14 - A picture of you and a few friends
Day 15 - A picture of yourself
Day 16 - A picture of your dream cell phone
Day 17 - A picture of your mp3 player
Day 18 - A picture of your room
Day 19 - A picture of your favorite musical instrument(s)
Day 20 - A picture of where you want to honeymoon
Day 21 - A picture that makes you think of your loved one
Day 22 - A picture of yourself
Day 23 - A picture that describes your life
Day 24 - A picture of what you did today
Day 25 - A picture that you edited
Day 26 - A picture that makes you angry
Day 27 - A picture of you more than 10 years ago
Day 28 - A picture of what you wore today
Day 29 - A picture of yourself
Day 30 - A picture of you and your best friend

i'll do this.

The last day of the challenge is quite... uhmm..

Sultan's Birthday celebration.

2010-07-16T04:13:00.000-07:00

i missed the Sultan's birthday celebration 3 times now.. :( i miss going there.. especially the week celebration.. there's food.. like those satay.. sotong tutok.. ayam panggang.. ikan panggang.. soup gearbox.. cotton candies.. snow cones.. and all those sweet yummy scrumptious juicey food... haihs.. i miss all that.. we'd go out and meet up with friends and walk around the festival for hours to see if we bump into other friends.. Kuala Belait is a tiny town, but it doesn't mean we're all kampung kids.. we're better than you think... :D We LOVE our tiny town... traffic is waaaaaaaay less.. crazy people are waaaaaaaaaaaaayyy less.. beaches are very close.. no weird CANNIBALS a.k.a mat rempit mothershitters.. :D you'd be surprise when you get to my town.. you hardly see people with riding motorsikalz.. sorry, we just don't really like riding them. :) well, there are quite a few of superbikers and riders around. well, yeah, rich people.. but they're not bangga like some people.. haihs.. k.. im out of words. im actually not in the mood to blog.. hahah.

Happy 64th Birthday Your Majesty Sultan Haji Hassanal Bolkiah. :D

we love you.

yes, i am malaysian but he will always be my Sultan.

because.. i don't follow the malaysian monarchy.. hehe. sorry.

Bazilah's idea of a blog post.

2010-07-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

What about Bazilah?

i shall start by typing what she just said to me seconds ago.. "my beauty comes not only from the outside but from with in."

and then..

*blanked*

the end.

HAHA. no seriously, She's a good friend of mine back in Brunei.. We seldom meet but her character makes the awkwardness between us.. entah.. fade? apakn lame. hahaha. anyways, before, she used to nudge me all the time on MSN.. well not all the time but always jua lah..., asking these cute life questions about relationships.. men.. men... and people's interests.. i kinda forgot what else... and now, i just love the way she corrects me every time i say "hi!" and she'll reply me by saying "Salam" .. adorable.. true story. :D i guess she went through a revelation which i am glad for her. :D keep up the good work.. hehe.

i guess that's all. hahaha.

tralalalala~

Salam.

ATATTATAAA!!

2010-07-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since my last post. hahaha. been months i think. i didn't post much because i'm just so lazy.. i don't think people really ready blogs anymore.. they're all into tumblrs now.. i admit, girls havin' tumblrs are really cute.. i guess that's why i thought shouldn't have tumblrs.. because it's weird.. i just think as it is..

Well anyways, a LOT have been goin' on lately, there were happiness mix with sadness and everything.. disappointment. My high hopes keeps getting low which bums me out.. now I'm all alone in my room.. my roommate are all back home having their holidays.. enjoying and shits man.. sometimes i always think.. why do i have to be so different? why do i have to be the one who has to suffer the guilt as if i stole someone Else's happiness.. i know i never done anythin' wrong to.. maybe that's just it.. maybe it's just the way it is.. maybe, in life, there's always a mistake they make, and i.. or maybe someone else, will be the cure to their pain.. stitching back their broken hearts.. maybe i or they will be the one to keep their hopes up.. to push them to pursue their happiness. i admit, i am not the best in these love love or friendship situation but i try.. i love their smiles no matter what. I'd love to be the guy that people say to, "hey! it's you!" ................ haha.. ok. so..

I thought,

" I tell everyone I want to be single, and that I love it. But in all sincerity, I just want to find love. I want to find it, and keep it, and be happy."

But these are just thoughts.. my heart says, i don't wanna commit in a relationship anymore.. but my brains says i should..

i know it's the other way around or terbalik.. but it's me.. I'm always different. the way my heart feels.. the way my brain thinks.

I'm always saying no, you shouldn't.. or just wait for the right time.

i never take the action.. i always wait for the trigger for my happiness.. it happens always but there's a certain happiness i want to pursue.. yes, it is what you think..

i have been alone for 2 years. i have been waiting.. kept waiting for the whole two years after a severe deafening break up.. pretending i'm okay when i am not okay..

Salute to my worst blog post. :D

i promise i'll post a happier one..

we're leaving Kuching. They're staying.

2010-04-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

So yeah.. exam's just around the corner.. and everyone's started to burn their midnight oil and shiz. hahah. But me? i'm still sitting down watchin' cartoons. View youtubes. complaining how annoying my lecturers are. man... i really hate the fact the way they teach are just.. the lowest quality of way of teaching.. It disturbs that if i fail.. i really do blame my lecturers... especially one of them.. oh man.. that lecturer is damn malas.. she even dares to sleep in class. man. that's suppose to be OUR job to sleep in class. gawd... help me please.

Anyways, the first among us to leave the college is one of my favourtie colleagues in the world!! a sister, a very good friend, someone i can manja on, well, sometimes only lah.. my sayang kakak that admits that she's old. HAHAHA. She's not that old lah. XD.. SITI! She left for Bintulu yesterday.. X( i feel lonely when she's not around.. less one person to actually talk to. :D oh well, we'll meet again. hehe. anyways, i shall now show you pictures!!! hehe.

the day before Siti left for her holidays.

Henselly.. his first time on the boat. nerve wrecking. at least he faced his fears.

This was after Siti left us. hehe. we went to eat at Pizza hut.

Siti!!

2010-04-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure you'll like this. heheh

i'm just one of those.

2010-04-21T02:33:00.000-07:00

oh meh gawd. Today's gotta be the most boring day ever. my classes all really suck. i start my class at 10am.. we did nothing there. all my classmates were doing' revision on other subjects.. it was suppose to be a revision for that class. but then instead.. they did something else. hell. i only brought stuffs for that class alone and not from other subs. man.. i feel so stupid. i'm scared of the exams man.. i wish i was smart as

Chia. Man, that girl is damn smart i tell you.. if i could've dated her.. i'd be as smart as her.. i think i want a very smart girlfriend.. XD girlfriends aside.. i was suppose to attend Mona's class at 2.. but i didn't. it was a last minute replacement class.. instead, i went to take a nap in the office. hehe. man.. nap was great til everyone left me alone in the office. hahaha. That was sad. hehe. but then climbed back up to the hostel.. and here i am.. posting on my blog. haha. Oh man.. so how's you? haha. i've nuthing much to say anymore so.. pictures for you then.

i'm confused. like this one.

take 1 huh

HELLL YEAH!

i want my life to be this colorful please...

ezzat and arina

this here. i my Blackbird, fly. :)

life with an uhmm.

2010-04-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

uhm.

hi. as i have promised, im updating my blog. i just woke up from my sleep. haha. gross much? yeah. well, who cares anyways, there won't be anyone suckin up my breath anyways. HAHA. well, so, whazbeengoin on? i am not sure.. things really arent really the same lately.. well, since it's already the finals week.. man. i havent study shit. everything's just so complicate man.. i need a source of motivation. someone? anyone? oh well, that's okay. i'll be back to Brunei soon.. well, not soon... 1st may.. will be flying back to kuching two weeks time. so, hey, to anyone following my blog, thank you. haha. i havent had time to update anythin on m blog. i thought of starting a tumblr but then.. i just cant leave my blog yet. im not the trend follower tyoe of guy so.. tumblr. sorry, my loyalties are for blogger.com. haha.. but seriously, people are easily influenced.. like from friendster to facebook. blogs to tumblrs.. facebooks to twitters. haha.. i wonder comes next.. we'lll see, by that time i think i'll quit facebook. or some other things i've been duin.. blogging? i'd better make a book out of it. haha. chatted with fids, my ex gf. she's always fun to talk to btw. yeah, i still talk to my EX GFS but bear in mind, i have no utter intentions to get together with any of them. Fids? she's just a trial, we agreed to not continue the relationship because, uhmm. . distance didnt work.. so no sadness there. haha. we were pretty okay with it. haha..

uhmm.. i do have problem with someone today. it's just annoying. uhm.. oh well, people tend to become ignorant when they're in a new situation. it just annoys me. ignorance even cost me money. a simple favor, just one simple favor.. maaan... i can't believe you could be that ignorant and selfish. hmph. oh well, i have better friends though.. i can still live without people like you man. haha. oh last two weeks. i enjoyed the summer balloons event. . We went gathering at the merdeka field, was so much fun.. we chilled there. everyone was having fun shooting photos and the models they looked ugly and kampong.. so.. oh well. anyways.. the photographers were all cool people except that i thought they could get better models.. haha. i made a whole lot of friends within two weeks. i am utterly so happy because of that. hahah. should i be uploading pictures? hehe. oh well. okay then.

hey baby.

laying on the grass is the best.. without knowing the fact that dogs might have peed or shit there.

hahahahahahah. look at khalid.

hell yeah. effing rawked the place.

oh baby.

i was disappointed.. there was not much sun.

banyak cantik.

i'm trying to fly

jumping session.

oh yeah, let's tandak and joget babes.

amirah and i. along with my Camera. the blackbird, fly. btw, she calls it spongebob.

oh vivid. life is just colorfuk isn;t it?

I'm holding an action sampler camera btw. X)

there's me along with the Enthusiast.

aaa. a picture speaks a thousand words.. one of them is not "i'm not gay so.."

hahaha. they seriously did not know of this. HAHA.

Ezzat and i.

yes we are. Mcd makes us go uhmm.

oh yeah. we're in that. we did.

2010-04-19T01:54:00.000-07:00

radical!

2010-04-19T01:50:00.001-07:00

i changed the my blog's dress. heheh. she looks purtier now. she looks like my dad's old background picture.. thing.. or an old record. being retro is cool. loves that. gotta love the old days. not the 80's that's just weird. i prefer the 40's and 60's. they were waaaayy vintage. hehe.

who's stalking who?

2010-03-31T20:16:00.000-07:00

someone told me, i've been stalking you..

well, that's not true, i never did, i only read the news feeds.

isn't it the other way around.

i believe, none of your friends are following my twitter and plus my twitter isn't protected and so everyone can read it..

uhmm... i wonder how you found out my anger through.. saying you could just die there..

oh well, you found out, so what, you triggered the conflict bomb first. you backstabber. i have proof. i just do.

at first, my status were really never for you.. until your statuses started to annoy me so much.

you should've known that those messages could've annoyed me. i know you're better than that but you just don't get it huh? all those things you said..blablabla long distance isnt for me.. hypocritical mind of yours.. if only the KL trip never happened.. if only you, could just listen to us, things would be normal.. there's just so much grudge.. just so much..and DUDE!? WHAT the FUCK HAPPENED TO PHONE MESSAGES? WHAT HAPPENED TO FACEBOOK

PRIVATE MESSAGES.

don't try to point fingers at me you little bitchlet.

i'm not the only one who's saying this.. even the ones from the "other" colleges are sick of you two<3.

i'm sorry, i found out. it's just.. sickening to everyone.

i wish i could fix this.. but i think you should start first because i did before.. if you don't want to, to hell with everything. We're not friends anymore.

i don't care if you don't want to start.

friendship has sunken. now, this time,

it's for real,

i shall not be talking behind you,

i shall not be talking to you,

i shall not even bother thinkin' about you.

i won't even bother looking at you..

'cause you and me now,

are strangers forever=).

Lifeline

2010-02-21T00:27:00.000-08:00

With an urgent, careful stare,

I see panic in those eyes

If I see you lying there,

Hoping this was the last time

We all make mistakes

Here's your lifeline

If you want to, I want to

We all make mistakes.

Here's your lifeline

If you want to, I want to

There’s a field near the dream

I watched it grow with brightest eyes

I watched us all reach out and leave

For the strength as we touched the sky

If you hear a distant sound,

That’s my footsteps by your side

If you feel like coming round,

I will take you for a ride

If you wish it, wish it now

If you wish it, wish it loud

If you want it, say it now

If you want it, say it loud

Been awhile since i last blog.. anyways these are pictures i've took for the last couple of months. i wanna share. because you are my lifeline

Show me.

2010-01-21T00:54:00.000-08:00

Fate fell short this time your smile fades in the summer

place your hands in mind i'll leave when i wanna.

i'm not gonna be the one break your fall.

2010-01-21T00:35:00.000-08:00

She fell to the bottom of her life, this wasn't meant for two.

She struggles to find herself in time but she can barely move..

just try to get up, you gotta slowly brush off

i know that words aren't enough but you're better than this

save your heart for someone that's worth dying for

don't give it away

torn apart, never getting what you've been crying for

it's always the same

she turns the pages everyday to change the mood

but every chapter reads the same, it's so hard to make it through

and you give and you take

and it's love that you want but not love that you make

save your heart for someone that's worth dying for

don't give it away

save your heart for someone who leaves you breathless

and i know that you're scared

seems like someone said you had it in you

all along, you said you knew this was wrong

but still worth dying for

don't give it away.

i guess i've done enough to make everything betray me. to be lied to.

but then, that's just me, happens all the time. all i can do is just be patient..

now, everything or the world is against me, but things wud turn around one day.

what you did was painful, dreadful.. heartless.. but i sayang you.. i understand why.. because.. it just happens.. it's just some part of your darkside that you just don't realize.. i forgive you..

so then, i hope i soon will forget the feelings i had about you.

i know you lost the yours towards me because it's totally obvious.

goodbye then,

booger.

2010-01-19T09:28:00.001-08:00

i miss you so bad.

you just don't realize it.

am i?

2010-01-19T05:05:00.002-08:00

Why am i always the bad guy?

i've been so many times, been coping with the worst attitudes for so many time but never tend to fight back.

I tried to keep the happiness.. but it seems that it never works..

Hypocrisy is just a big thing in my life now. it's hurting me so bad now.

i was hoping this year would be a good year..

i would get the chance to have what actually want..

but no... just.... nothing's gonna happen..

should i give up? should i realllly give up?

my guts says no... my brains says,, commit suicidee saja lah bro.

am i?

2010-01-19T05:05:00.001-08:00

the best of the less.

2010-01-19T03:42:00.000-08:00

I just keep wondering why..

What should i be doing from now on?

Getting over.. isn't so easy..

I still am what i was and will always be..

I knew something like this will happen when we got there..

i've thought about it last year..

and it just happened right in front of me.

all i can do is just, stare and faking my smile..

i fell sick i pretended i was healthy..

i was mad but i pretended i was so happy..

i am happy, but it doesn't like everyone truly knows..

i guess.. it was all planned and predestined by the Almighty..

i just have to be patient and see how it goes..

Shazuan Jaini is a Shazasaurus.

2009-11-06T08:21:00.001-08:00

is still awesome.

*******

2009-11-03T19:53:00.000-08:00

the answer lies in a lovely sound.

That's why I'd give anything I have to work this out

A mess it grows.

2009-11-03T07:15:00.000-08:00

To all you guys.. I'm sorry for blurting too much on you guys. I have my dilemmas and stuff. I've been keeping my thoughts for too long and you guys were the few people i trust to blurt on.. Expressing my thoughts might have been too much on you guys or might be quite irritating because this has nothing to do with you guys. Haha.. however, i'd like to thank you so much for listening and keeping it as a secret. haha. well i know you guys talk about it sometimes but yeah.. thanks anyways. Can't stop you guys anyways.. hahaha

I wruff you<3

Holidays coming.

We'll be away.

i wonder..

God knows.

2009-11-03T06:36:00.000-08:00

God knows how complicated my life can be.. yes i do have problems. sometimes are incomparable from others.. but we have our own ways of dealing them and it has their own ways of giving you burdens.. which in the end results is depression, paranoia and insecurities.. well, my ways of dealing them is just to not think about them too much.. i tend to spend my time with the best-est people in my life. sorry, i don't believe in the term best friends anymore because they just never exist. They never cease to come and go. So anyways, i spend my time to my current cool friends and this special ones to make problems slip my mind once in awhile.. I dislike sharing them because i don't wanna drag them deep into my problems.. but then blurting out bit by bit won't do any harm though. However, i can be a good listener you know. I know they sometimes blurt out to me because they don't wanna keep it too long.. it'll just make them depressed.. so i am here for any of you.. but i sometimes question myself.. will it be enough just to listen.. it would be great to give advise... but then sometimes i am unable to provide any.. i feel so useless sometimes.. but then i'll learn one or two eventually..

So then.. whaz been happenin' guys?

HAHA. so far.. i don't know what thinking now. it feels different now. i wonder what's gonna happen this holiday.. Of course i still wanna give it try but then what if.. things change.. what if next year someone new comes in.. what if i'll be ignored.. what if i'll be ditched again.. oh rejection.. why do you have to be so painful.. but this time.. i'll be waiting for a solid answer..

A yes or A no.

Meteor Shower.

The thoughts.. the thoughts..

2009-10-31T04:14:00.002-07:00

Because I was broken hearted at the time and you were all I had to keep me from having the mini breakdowns in my head.

Yellow Flower

Printed behind a clear cd jacket

No one else knows

but you and me

These long months i sit here

And listen

Baby I dont just hear

I listen

To those voices sing ever so soft

I sway to 'em sweet sounding harmonies

Away from that bitter bite harming me

As I close my eyes

For once ill close my eyes tonight

I've stared at that blank white ceiling

Wishing I was numb from this feeling

But not tonight

So stay calm and steady

For I can feel Something Real

so wont you tell me

just what u think

i am no masterpiece at all

cos i swear everytime im there

those those arms will catch me right before i fall

i'm sorry.. all i can do is just hope to be there for you always..

so what are you thinking..

Harmonica Melodica
2009-10-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

HayeeelllllllEE~~

This is stupid.. you know i should be studying. 9am later i have Maths exams.. i think it's easy.. because my brain's been working okay with those alien language.. haha. plus the indian lecturer is awesome, she doesnt care if i say don't want to do a question that i dont like. HAHA. but eventually i'd do it. i even said to her, "MISS SHERIN!!! I HATE MATRIX INVERSION!!!"

hahaha.

So, should i start studyin now? i don't have any coffee to keep me up.. i seriously need to study.. i know if i fail this Contract Admin paper i wouldnt care.. because it's freaking confusing.. i dont like memorizing the answers you know.. im the type who wants to understand the texts.. so hard liao..

i wish i was smart enough to print my own money without getting caught.. HAHA. so sudden. wth. random random..

i wonder if there's a country before our time that dont pronounce the words they speak but to spell each word they want to project. HAAHAH. like

A-P-A!!?

HAHA. goodnight.

Wasubi<3

this guitar won't make sound but it's okay.

2009-10-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

exams. exams.

i hate you.

the power of curiosity.

A lovely sound.

2009-10-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

I just love the songs that sings my thoughts..

headlights<3

2009-10-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

pendek.

me in skinnies. shocking..

hi.

i like this one.

it's funny that things never turn out what we expect it to be.. at first, you hoped it to be working well.. in the midst of it.. you tend to realize that it seem like it's leading you to an epic fail *this is my situation so it doesn't apply to everyone who doesn't know how to get over things*.. but sometimes, after the failure.. things tend come to a brighter and better side.. it makes you feel happier than before.. makes you feel more content than ever.. makes you forget the failure just had recently.. makes you forget the bad days you had before.. giving you a boost of confidence everyday..

We don't usually get want we want but bear in mind.. sometimes, the result from our failed efforts could give you a life time happiness...

so yeah.. a small lesson learnt from your little mistake could give you a life time of happiness.

Well that's what i think..

Happiness takes time but i know it's worth the wait..

Bersusah2 dahulu, senang kemudian..

p/s : FUCK YOU ORANG HITAM!

hi.

2009-10-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone.

hey you.

I'm not sure what to update but i'll be as random as possible.. so, today, i was a bit pissy because those effing org hitam never put any effort to keep the INTIMA office tidy. There are always rubbish on the floor every time these people come in. I wonder if their parents ever taught them how to keep their place clean, i bet not.. i bet they shit every where from the kitchen to the living room.. These hitams shitfaces dress up so neat that they even litter everywhere to make themselves look neater. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK MAN! Have you no shame? not only you people are rude.. you make the place look like dirt and you people keep talking behind our backs like we're the ones making the mess and making look like we're the jackasses.. WHAT THE HELL MAN! We do things like this to keep the discipline man.. We're not always pissed about you shitfuckers, just that you always make us pissed off about you. Why are your culture are always rude? Have you no manners towards our culture? Please.. You talk out loud like the ones you talk to is ten feet away from you. You laugh like a fucking freak bastard who just killed a little girl. PLEASE CHANGE FOR THE SAKE OF US! We are starting to ABHORS YOU! HATE YOU! YOU ARE STARTING TO DISGUST US!

What is your goal coming to Sarawak?? Are you here to get pussies to fuck? What the hell man.. You guys are deteriorating the girls in College man... Some of you even impregnate one of them and then ran away.. What the fuck eh you people. soooo PEKIMAK! Come to college as if it's a pussy factory.. I tell you this.. your PENISES are really a WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION.. one trigger could destroy a whole community of girls. seriously men, i hope your dicks fall of and rots in your face. STAY AWAY FROM OUR LADIES PEKIMAKS!

PLEASE! HAVE YOUR SHOWERS DAILY MAN! ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO WALKS TO COLLEGE. SHIZ MAN! CAN'T YOU SMELL YOURSELVES AFTER GOING THROUGH THE HOT SUN?? WITHOUT EVEN TAKING A SHOWER FIRST? HOLY FUCK MAN! YOU STINK SO THAT YOU COULD EVEN MAKE US HAVE BRAIN DAMAGES!

evening news.

2009-10-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

a Sore Loser who seems to have a lot of friends.

Hello world,

Well good morning, good evening or good afternoon
Wherever you are and whatever you do
A lot of things happening in the world today
Most of them far beyond our control you might say
Perhaps its time we took a pause
And thought about life
And thought about the laws of gravity
And sexuality and humanity
Don't touch that dial
Just try and hear me out for a while

hehe. What you've just read above is a part of a lyrics i picked from an old song. I copied that because i think that's what i feel now.. it's something i can relate to..

So anyways, lately i've been having my down moments but then all that came to a brighter side.. i have friends out there who cares about, thanks guys.. you know who you are. x)

So, whaz been happenin'?

well, we gave Kahjong a birthday surprise yesterday, haha. it was funnn. that guy got fooled by Madam Ting, he was sooo clueless.. he thought our school's Vice Big Guy wanted to see him to talk about his studies... he didnt realize we made that up. HAHA. so kesian him.. well, anyways, luckily he hung out at the office long enough till the surprise cake arrived.. we thought he'd leave soon because the cake arrived sooooo damn late and i thought the party's gonna be a failure.. haha. but thank God it was a success.. after that they went to KFC for dinner which i couldn't tag along.. oh well, there's always another time.. that chicken factory won't go anywhere anyway..

So, am i good enough?

i know you are.

i don't care how imperfect you think you are but for me..

you are everything i could think of.

you make go XD

You know i'd be there for you right?

a failed confession..

2009-10-12T19:07:00.001-07:00

..coming to a brighter side.

BAM! this one's for yah.

The Next Move.

2009-10-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

I wasn't ready yet to make the next move

No matter what I hear I'll be right here waiting
No matter what you say I'll be on your side
Don't ever give up here tonight

Sooner or later I know we'll just be dreaming
Anywhere you go, I'll still feel you

Your necklace around my neck, I'm still wearing
It's all frayed now, but I tied a new knot

Sooner or later I know we'll just be dreaming
Anywhere you go, I'll still feel you

As I sit around right here, you sit around right there
Anywhere you go
I just want to feel this way tonight

Sooner or later I know we'll just be dreaming
Feel this way tonight.

brrr.. it's cold.

2009-10-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

Despite whatever happened.

I still want to.

hello world.

2009-09-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

i have no idea what the hell is wrong with blogger.com now.. it's being a nuisance. i can't even edit my fonts or whatevs. shitty man.

anyways.. i suddenly thought about bams, roff, lynz rusydi.. and the reest in Brunei. i'm sorry guys, i can't help but being so left out. i seriously miss you guys.. i felt so envious when you guys got send roffy off to the airport for his departure to England.. i wish i was there too.. i wish i'd always hang out with you guys. like everyday.. we should rent an apartment guys. let's live together for like ten years.. we'd have dates over our house and whatev.. movies night.. sunday pancakes.. picnics. it'd be fun man.. haha. but then those are just dreams.. hahhaa. but it's possible. HAHAA. yeah. im talking nonsense.. i miss you guys... i'll update again when blog gets better. ahaha. screw my grammar error.

Birthday Dinner and INTIMA INSTALLATION! love is the air. it's suffocating me <3

2009-09-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

As promised.

tonight.

you + me = nothing.

Mohammad Shazuan Bin Jaini

is now in the part 2 of his life.

Thank you.

Bender, Kah jong, Pauline and Sally

Sally, Neva, Bibi and Gerald

Joseph

Mike

Siti Nurhasanah

Neva Zenilda

Bender

Joseph Ugo

Bibiana Fong

Stephen

Sally

Kah jong

Gerald

Kah Jong and Steven

We ARE IN JAPAN! hahaha.

Fooling around in the japanese 100 yen store

Siti and Molly with Neva screeching behind

Bert and Michelle

Bibi and SAYA!

My pudding. Bender, Sally and Pauline

='(

hey wan

LALA THE BAMBOO POLE DANCAAAH!

Cookie Monstaaaah

Thank you bibi

Thank you Siti

Thank you Harvin

Thank you all. there's so much to say.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME!

2009-09-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

Part 1

1st -Baby to Teenager.

2nd - The WORST ever.

3rd - THE BEST EVER!!

The end.

Part 2

Now i'm 21. Parents gave me freedom. College life is sweet and sour.

*writing for part three - Workin'*

COMING SOON! SHAZUAN'S LIFE PART 3.

2009-09-11T21:45:00.000-07:00

Allah berfirman:

'Ketika Aku menciptakan seorang wanita, ia diharuskan untuk menjadi seorang yang istimewa. Aku membuat bahunya cukup kuat untuk menapung dunia; namun, harus cukup lembut untuk memberikan kenyamanan '

'Aku memberikannya kekuatan dari dalam untuk mampu melahirkan anak dan menerima penolakan yang seringkali datang dari anak-anaknya '

'Aku memberinya kekerasan untuk membuatnya tetap tegar ketika orang-orang lain menyerah, dan mengasuh keluarganya dengan penderitaan dan kelelahan tanpa mengeluh '

'Aku memberinya kepekaan untuk mencintai anak-anaknya dalam setiap keadaan, bahkan ketika anaknya bersikap sangat menyakiti hatinya '

'Aku memberinya kekuatan untuk mendukung suaminya dalam kegagalannya dan melengkapi dengan tulang rusuk suaminya untuk melindungi hatinya '

'Aku memberinya kebijaksanaan untuk mengetahui bahwa seorang suami yang baik takkan pernah menyakiti isterinya, tetapi kadang menguji kekuatannya dan ketetapan hatinya untuk berada disisi suaminya tanpa ragu'

'Dan akhirnya, Aku memberinya air mata untuk dititiskan.

Ini adalah khusus miliknya untuk digunakan bilapun ia perlukan.'

Happy Ramadhan to all you ladies.

when you're not around.

2009-09-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

I don't feel so alive.

Fourth<3

2009-08-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

So uhm. sorry. HAHA. i'm feeling emo tonight so i'll be weird tonight. HAHA. wth. so, there's this girl *there's always a girl*.. i like her. like really like.. im tryna confess to her but i just caaan't.. i'm always waiting for the right.. so i felt like saying it spontaneously but then.. shit hits the fan. i just cant. i feel like a coward. i remember saying "i like to fall in love and never make a move" and then a friend, Zafirah Morshidi said "girls dont like that".. and i'm like.. should i make a move. should i start dating again. what if she says no? what if she stays away from me 'cause i'm weird for her. HAHAH. paranoia.. should i be confessing? or should i not? because i know my chances of getting a no for answer is off the charts.. BABI EH! i hate liking people.. so anyways... WTHECK i dont really care at this point.

PICTURES TIME!!!

Click on the pictures for better quality.

Tiramisu ohhh.<3

so bitch. take it or leave it.

Lynz Bahrin and Shazuan Jaini

Roff : WTF am i goin...

i have long legs.. enough to kick you in the face

so... Ganja Cups anyone?

This is bam, he's goin' to the X games. how cool is that.

WE ARE CRAZY PEOPLE!!!!

Roffy.*oooo. lemonade*

CHILLAX IS A WEIRD WORD. but yeah.. we are chillin.

aha!

Cupcake?

yah puan pua dan pondan2... i represent to you.. your future husbands

hyukhyukhyuk.

dude... don't trust a ho okay? apakn. okay.

Meteowwwww showah hearts

2009-08-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

My heart is a house.

SO! it's the holidays. i've been here since sunday already.. it has been fun. as soon as i got to Brunei, straight away i went to meet my best buds, Bam and Roff. They're the coolest.. and then days after that i got to hang out with Lynz which she has stated that she went down to KB just to meet me.. that's just sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet...<333

i've been complaining and sighing everyday in Brunei because my hols are too short.. i need to spend more time in Brunei because it's awesome.. don't get me wrong, i love the friends i have in Kuching.. but i still have more time in Kuching so.. i'm trying to make the best out of my short holiday in Brunei. I had hard time going online in Brunei because my aunt owns the broadband and i know she's a bit stingy.. it used to belong to my uncle. oh and. my uncle bought a new BMW which was FREAKIN' AWESOME!!! hahahah.

so uhm.. the other day, i hung out with lynz and roff at the riverside. it was so much fun.. Lynz took pictures of us. haha... after spending time at the riverside, we went to Lynz place to bake cupcakes.. HAHAHAH. yeah. two awesome manly dudes baking cakes.. AHHA. it was fun. the cupcakes were for lynz's babies in her previous school..

and then *ehem.. along came a new girl in my circle of friend. her name's Basyirah. AHA. never thought she'd be so tall. haha. she reminds me of Shailene Woodley. Cute bah her. so anyways.. uhm. haha. she's quite shy around me and roff and bams. but i managed to crack her up.. HAHa. she even twittered about me xp. HAHA. i joke so much. HAHA..

okay.. i will upload photos later on okay!

Owl City is pure awesome.

Shazuan Jaini is a Shazasaurus.

2009-08-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

FTW (lame....)

boss tengah marah

KFC moments

random

Ten bucks if you could cheer for me.

haha. epic fail.

my boss.

pity me..

me and Uturu Spiff AKA Sivane Watse

we are the streetboys back yawz.

Intima 08/09 and the Last batch Intima excos of the first decade of the 21st Century of the new millenium

2009/2010.

Lala and Henselly

Henselly

Me and Lala, mukak geng.

me. the awesomest guy.

a little update. i think i've fallen for you lah fourth...

But i'm getting over you. haha.

Hum-ho-Hallelu.. yeah..

let's sing in the parking lot.

while she's still around

2009-07-30T16:43:00.001-07:00

Empty bottle. Don't worry, i don't take alcohol.

In this devil town

There's you.

and nothing else.

YEAHuhhhhhhhhh~~

2009-07-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Charity Night is just around the corner! HAHA.

I've been practicing dances for charity night because will be the symbol of the night since the event is organized by us Intima exco's. HAHA. gawd we've been rushing to catch with the new moves... was really hard at first but we got used to it. hahah. for the record, we're performing on the Insomnia song by Craig David.. however, we kinda experimented with the korean version of the song which is awesome-r and that song totally boosted up everyone's dance quality. hahah. was fun too.. so, guys.. ever thought i could really dance? yeah.. i dance. lovin it man. haha.. we're gonna continue our rehearsals tomorrow.. the actually event is this saturday.. after that we'll be having our exams.. then i'll see you guys back in brunei earlier just incase if the training camp is postponed til the end of the next short semester.. i'll post pictures our dances later on yeahs? haha.

SO! last night.. i was complaining a lot because i wanted to have McDonald's for dinner.. we couldnt go because we have no mode of transport.. so in the end, everyone in my room is willing to go by foot which took us half and hour to reach mcDonalds.. turns out the it was closed.. but we didnt give up.. we took the taxi to go to the City's Mcdonalds. HAHA. yeaaah. mission effing accomplished. we were in heaven!! hahaha yummers maaan. we're gonna do it again nanti. NGAHA! we want more! nyahahaha. gilaa..

some pictures for you guys.

haha. me and Farah.

Lala and Russell

Enjoying their Mcflurry

yeah, seriously.

Me and my Violent boss, Bibiana Fong. boss.. jgn bunuh aku boss..

aaaaa.... our white castle of kuching... Mcdonald's

me... disguised in happpehness.

Adam Lazzara. my idol.

How to become a ninjaa!!

2009-07-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

MUST WEAR MASK! to avoid the stupid swine flu.

IT IS NECESSARY TO MAKE UNNECESSARY SOUND WHEN THROWING PUNCHES!

MUST BE STEALTHY ESPECIALLY DURING FASTING MONTH

MUST HAVE LONG HAIR TO INTIMIDATE YOUR OPPONENT AND TO SHOW HOW AWESOME YOU LOOK WITH HAIR.

MUST TALK LIKE A RETARDED JAPANESE GANGSTER ASSES FROM THE ANIME.

MUST SPEAKuu INu A.. BAD-u ENGRISSH....

URYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!~

i miss you paloi eh.

2009-07-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

YOU

,paloi.

how have i grown..

2009-07-21T22:47:00.000-07:00

just a random post for those who wants to see how i look like now. i have zits and a long hair.

hello world.

2009-07-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

much has happened lately. found out there was an overdosed nigerian got high and ran around college buttnaked. he tried to rape a guy.. how stupid is that.. haha.. lucky he wasnt in the girl's dorm.. that'll be diff.. he even got into the guys bathroom kicking the door while my friend was taking a shower.. he still had some soapy stuff on him when the naked man cekik him.. kesian.. my friend was pissed and took some friend to chase him out.. even tried to beat the crap out of him.. after that, i was cluelessly saw three police cars, police van and an ambulance. awesome right? you dont get this everyday.. when he was caught, he was kept in the ambulance and thats when he got berserk and destroyed the ambulance's electronics..hahah. how could i miss such happeningss.. haha. anyways, he's still around in college after being caught by the police. he took three different of drug. i only know one of them. he took cocaine.. such a shame. he should've just go back to where he belongs.. to ameri.... i mean nigeria. HAHA. LISTEN NIGERIANS! you are not americans so dont try to act like your snoop bitch or somethin okay? it's a bad image for you. you guys are retarded if u act like one. at least malaysian.. we'll teach you how to destroy your perfect english. how... to use the "lah".. HAHA. OKAY LAAH AH?

So anyways, what has been goin lately besides the naked incident?

uhm.. well, ive been trying to *something2*.. but i was too cowardly. hahah.. i think i should stop thinking about you. i like you because you make me feel like PALOI.. that's why i like you.. seriously..

my brains goes overdrive when i think about the reactions you wud give me you know if i confessed.? like.. "no way..eww" or "aww.. sorry.. im seeing someone" or "god no.." or "HAHAHAH!! your kidding right?" or "oh shit.... no way.. oh please no.." or "i have to go.. yeah.. i have to go uhmm go feed my... shoe.."

so... yeah.... i just wish you wud know but it'll disastrous if you do know.. i'd lose control if you found out.. but then if you do know.. it'll be nice too.. but.. what will you feel? is it okay for you? is it bad? will still be talking to me? gah.. i cant afford to fall in love again. shit. burn.....................................

no one is telling me, the speed i should be travelling.. so watch me take the leap..

there is an engine in my body.. with every beat, it lets me breathe.. if i could keep up with that machine in my body, i could do anything.

kbzzt love.

it's a brand new day.

2009-07-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

i am not in a good mood but i would like to share this with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUfVcLLvjo

trust me. you'll love it.

Some kind of magic

Happens late at night

When the moon smiles down on me

And bathes me in its light

I fell asleep beneath you

In the tall blades of grass

When I woke the world was new

I never had to ask

Its a brand new day

The sun is shining

Its a brand new day

For the first time

In such a long long time

I know

Ill be ok

Most kind of stories

Save the best part for last

Most stories have a hero who finds

You make your past your past

Yeah you make your past your past

Its a brand new day

The sun is shining

Its a brand new day

For the first time

In such a long long time

I know

Ill be ok

This cycle never ends

Gotta fall in order to mend

And its a brand new day

Its a brand new day

For the first time

In such a long long time

I know

Il'l be ok

shuan.

2009-07-11T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, i had nothing to do but to watch House' season 5 till only the 3rd episode half way.. i was waiting fer bam to go online that time.. bam's sleeping over at roff's place. bam mentioned about the song he just made, so i asked him send it to me then he asked if i could compose a li'l of something for him. haha.. well, it wasnt a li'l.. i made like, a one whole song for his music. HAHA. serious.. i never thought i'd finish one whole song in less then a half an hour. hahaha. well, i had my inspiration, which was the nothingness and truth. AHAh. that was lame.. pfft. but yeah.. i did. haha. that song is too heavy for me but heck, anything for my buddeh. (bam u suck) he was joking about the song he made last night. it was funny as shit. haha. im not sure if u get this he said sumthin about "black metal black metal, aku makan kepala kambing itam! mama ku ckp parut ku makin basar!~" hahahhaha. we said it could be a slow song tho it sound dark.. HAHA. it could be a song about a mother's love.. HAHA. i bet you u dont get me. HAHA. oh well, inside joke.. i wont be posting the lyrics here.. or maybe later.. may be after bam posts it on his blog. then i'll do it. nyaha..

So, bam posted my lyrics, now it's my turn. viewers discretion advised. yes, i wrote this for bam's music.

bright lights

Shone on me the light it has given

silhouette, silhouette shows nothing but shadows

im feeling so cold it shivers all over me

it felt so wrong i can't tell why

something's wrong, he's not there to see me

i didnt feel the weeping and gnashing of teeth but

i felt the burning despair and ice-cold darkness

it's just a matter of time til i'll feel the truth

the revelations from the book was wrong

there was no light to go through

it humms crack open hellish doors

feeling the wholesome piercing heat

clawing me in, seeing no blue but red

aired with torture and regrets

my past world was truthfully untrue

this epiphany, much painful than the slashes thrown

regression is no more, just regrets

never there was blue lights or hands reaching me

and there he was with eyes stabbing through me

giving me nothing but the truth

"just please help me" was a waste

all i did was lie and be lied to

my prayers were deception

the rituals were all an insult

all the lies ive lied were also lies...

Wan.

here's Bam's link to my lyrics. - let me take you down to strawberry fields forever.

my fears

2009-07-11T01:23:00.000-07:00

MY FEARS

fear of worms

fear of lizards

fear of slimy slugs

fear of needles

fear of asking phone numbers (girls only)

fear of wounds

fear of human flesh

fear of sharp sharp knives

fear of razorblades

fear of huge animals underneath my feet (whales, great whites)

fear of negligence

fear of EXPOSING MY NECK

fear of blood (this causes me to have a fear of exposing my neck)

fear of gore scene because of the blood splatters

fear of pondans

fear of losing my current best buds (you know who you are, faggots)

fear of moving trucks

fear of freshly dead fish out of aquarium

fear of snakes (especially small ones)

fear of having another girlfriend because they might ruin you

fear of awkwardness in the car

fear of SPITTING

fear of seeing people SPITTING

fear of no water hose in the bathroom

fear of heights sometimes

fear of being talentless

fear of not getting a merit next year

fear of buah dabai

fear of tempoyak

fear of drunk old men from clubs (weird)

fear of killing a thief (serious, i want to kill them but i'm scared of goin to prison)

fear of becoming gay (HAHA)

fear of becoming a poklen

fear of all the fears mentioned above.

You Know The Words, So Sing Along For Me.

This too shall be out from my random thoughts

i did this in college.

Welcoming myself.

This isn't a suicidal blog

:'( friends can never be reliable sometimes.

Day 13 - A picture of your friends

Day 12 - A picture of your favorite food

Honesty.

Day 11 - A picture of your favorite drink

Day 10 - A picture of what you like to do

Day 08 - A picture of yourself

Day 07 - A picture that makes you cry

Day 06 - A picture that inspires you

Day 05 - A picture of your morning

Day 04 - A picture of where you went today

3rd day photo Challenge

2nd Photo - Take a picture of what you wore today. :D

1st Photo for the 30 days photos challenge.

the 30 day challenge. :)

Sultan's Birthday celebration.

Bazilah's idea of a blog post.

ATATTATAAA!!

we're leaving Kuching. They're staying.

i'm just one of those.

life with an uhmm.

radical!

who's stalking who?

Lifeline

Show me.

i'm not gonna be the one break your fall.

booger.

am i?

am i?

the best of the less.

Shazuan Jaini is a Shazasaurus.

*******

A mess it grows.

God knows.

The thoughts.. the thoughts..

this guitar won't make sound but it's okay.

A lovely sound.

headlights<3

hi.

evening news.

a failed confession..

The Next Move.

brrr.. it's cold.

hello world.

Birthday Dinner and INTIMA INSTALLATION! love is the air. it's suffocating me <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME!

when you're not around.

Fourth<3

Meteowwwww showah *hearts*

Shazuan Jaini is a Shazasaurus.

while she's still around

YEAHuhhhhhhhhh~~

How to become a ninjaa!!

i miss you paloi eh.

how have i grown..

hello world.

it's a brand new day.

shuan.

my fears

Meteowwwww showah hearts